On 14 February , Humpty Dumpty died in an accident in Land of Fairy Tales.
In the evening , Humpty Dumpty was sitting on the wall ,which is along the river ,waiting for sunset. It was his hobby to wait for sunset. Suddenly, he lost his balance and fell from the wall. He died immediately Everything just happened in a few minutes.
Some people saw what happened and tried to help Humpty Dumpty. However , it did not have any help at all.
One of the king's men said ," Everything happen to quickly . I did not have enough time to react. It was sad to see Humpty Dumpty die."
Another king's men said," It was terrifying to see Humpty Dumpty falls from the wall. Everyone told him not to sit on the wall , but he refuse to listen to us."
Humpty Dumpty dies because he lost his balance while he was sitting at the wall.
1. The word 'die' is rather crude for a headline. I would use something like passed away.
ReplyDelete2. Tenses still inconsistent.
die > died
fall > fell
happens > happened
dies > died
3. DIalogue is perfectly written.
4. I like the conclusion.
5. Some expressions are weird.
sitting at the wall > sitting on the wall
he was die immediately > he was dead immediately.
it did not have any help > it did not help at all
happen to quickly > happened too quickly
it was terrified to see > it was terrifying to see
he refuse to listen to us > he refuses to listen to us